Secret In My Heart...

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T17:54:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas! I know I'll never feel what I hear...=)

I Miss You

2010-02-02T11:48:00.001+08:00

I miss talking to you at night.
I miss hearing your voice before I sleep.
I miss your laughter.
I miss every single bit of you right now..

For You..

2010-01-13T01:35:00.002+08:00

Love is like playing a kite. You cannot pull it too tightly cause it might snap neither can you hold it to loose it cause it will fly away. Perhaps I'm currently pulling it too tightly thou I'm learning how to hold it a little loose but I'm afraid that it might fly away.

New Year

2010-01-03T23:27:00.002+08:00

Time really flies fast. In a sense that it's New Year again and very soon it will be oink oink and the male bitches going to NS and days will be freaking boring..roar..

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I'm learning to be strong, so that my tears won't roll down so easily. You know I'll always be there for you when you need me.

Piggy OINK OINK...

2009-11-16T01:54:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry about today for being angry with you thou you rushed down to meet me at the "wrong place" perhaps that's what people say it as miscommunication. It was so nice of you to buy me stuff from Malaysia today.Thou it's just some cheap food but it's the thoughts that counts...=) WE WILL SHARE THE SEAWEED...ROAR...<3

Simple Outing = )

2009-09-28T22:36:00.003+08:00

No words can describe how I feel other than thank you is still thank you. I was really happy to see you after my work. Thou maybe it doesn't mean anything to you but it mean a lot to me..Thank You for the everything today..=)

Piggy Pig Pig

2009-09-23T23:36:00.003+08:00

Thanks for allowing me into your life. I really appreciate what you had done for me. Other than all this I really don't know what to say but nevertheless I'm happy that you came into my life too..=)

Shit Do Happens

2009-09-14T02:01:00.001+08:00

Things might not always turn out like the way we expect every time. I'm kind of lost for words to talk about it thou I know that you don't really like them for what had happen today. But my gang of bitch don't include some of them like those on the same table as us. If you know who I'm referring about.

To tell the truth I appreciate the every little things you did for me and so is your company...=)

Last Day Of Freedom Before Attachment

2009-09-10T23:05:00.002+08:00

Went out with the pig today for lunch at Suntec follow by Comex then and movie at Cathay then back to Suntec to shop awhile and Vivo for dinenr and slack before going home. It's rather a fruitful day for me in a sense that I had enjoyed myself very much and I get to spend my whole day with pig.=)

No words can describe the happiness I have today. =)

Run Singapore

2009-09-07T16:14:00.003+08:00

Went for Run Singapore with the pig. I did enjoyed myself throughout the whole day with him. Simply enjoyed his accompany. =) Sorry to make him not to run because I'm too lazy to run and I don't wanna sweat so much as I'm going to the airport to stay over. Sorry...=) Felt so sad when this dumb pig just left me waiting for the bus to airport alone.=( So looking forward to Thursday..=)

Quote from Stairway to Heaven

2009-09-05T21:55:00.001+08:00

People who love each other end up reuniting. No matter how far apart they are, they will reunite in the end. Love is something that returns.

For You

2009-08-21T22:42:00.003+08:00

Part of me wants it really badly,
But part of me is so afraid to accept it.
Can you give me some more time?
Sorry...

P.S. You meant a lot to me...

Real??

2009-08-20T23:37:00.002+08:00

It sound, feel and seem so unreal but it's real.
If it's a dream I hope I'll never wake up.
If it's real I hope it will never end.
Let time heal the wounds I have and tell us the answer we want...

Coming To An End

2009-08-14T18:35:00.003+08:00

Everything have kind of come to an end. How should I put it? Basically today is the last day of school which means after today I'll not have anymore lecture or practical in NP anymore. It's a kind of a mixed feelings. Part of me feeling happy about it but another part of me knows that I'm so gonna miss the everything I use to do in NP.

Selfishness

2009-08-07T00:18:00.001+08:00

I have seen the selfish side of the people whose closest to me and it hurts. But it show me the true side of you people too. Thank you.

Right or Wrong

2009-07-30T18:39:00.002+08:00

To me I don't really bother about what's right or wrong that's happening in my life. All I care now is let's just get wild, play and have fun. You live life for just once, so long as it's not something against the law, harm your body or betraying yourself just do it man. Who give a damn if it's right or wrong since it's none of it is mentioned?

BECAUSE YOU LIVE LIFE JUST ONCE...

Hugs

2009-07-23T21:33:00.003+08:00

A hug is defined as clasp or hold closely together especially in arms, as in affection or embrace. To me it's the same but more of an affection thing. It's been really long since I really got a hug from somebody. I'm gald that I got it today it kind of send me to cloud nine maybe it's because of the person who gave me the hug. It just got the memories flooding back into my mind in a way. I don't know how to discribe the feeling but it's a mix feeling...It's weird and shocking that's all I can say. =)

I DO LIKE THE HUG..=)

Friend

2009-07-19T20:40:00.002+08:00

If you really treat me as a friend you wouldn't have block me on your Messenger.
If you really treat me as a friend you would have accept my request on Facebook.
If you really treat me as a friend you would have wished me Happy Birthday.
If you really treat me as a friend you would have reply me my sms when I sms you every year for your Birthday.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE...IT GOT ME TOTALLY PISS OFF WITH WHAT YOU HAD TOLD ME 2 YEARS BACK THAT WE'RE STILL FRIENDS..

Life

2009-07-17T09:26:00.001+08:00

Life isn't getting any better in anyway... But it's coming to an end very soon.. I hope.. I've also made a desicion. *Pray*

For You

2009-07-09T14:51:00.002+08:00

I know you read my blog so this is for you. I'm sorry for not replying your smses. Not that I don't want to reply, but I just don't want to start relying on you. I know you care for me and I'll reply if you I really have got a problem for that I promise you. Hence please don't be irritated or flare up if I don't reply you cause I don't want to start to have a habit of relying on you.

In The Room

2009-07-07T18:58:00.004+08:00

To those in the photo you know who you are..

Many things have changed in the room. We no longer spend as much time with each other anymore. Sometimes people will just walk out of the room to somewhere else to do their work. The additional of people actually changed the mood in the room and it kind of make me feel a little sad. Why can't we all be like what we used to be like in the past like during VPP. All of us stayed back to do our stuff, joke about one another or maybe poke fun of every single thing we do in the past. I really enjoyed the past more than now. So what if the additional person actually went back to the place where it belong, the feeling in the room is no longer the same. By seeing one of us feeling emo about God knows what makes it worst. It's the last one month plus together already, can we just live it to the fullest just like what we did during VPP?

Space

2009-07-04T00:10:00.003+08:00

1 part of me wanting to forgive and forget what you have done but my intuition tell me not to so is my surrounding. Perhaps I'm trying my best to protect myself from getting hurt by the same old thing cause I do not have anything to protect myself unlike the cactus which have needle-like leave to protect itself.

Give me some time to heal myself and let me think of what I really want. I don't want any false hope or anything. If it's real earn it...

"Congratulation"

2009-06-28T19:25:00.005+08:00

Congratulation. You have just manage to keep me by your side once and again. And congratulation to Jolene once and again fallen into that fucking trap of his.

He simply know too much about you that's why it's so easy for him to set a trap to make you fall for it. He knows how much he meant to you and that's why he never fails to keep you by his side no matter what. As for you, why didn't you heed the wise old man's advise? He told you so many times but you just turn a deaf ear to him and see what happen now? You're hurt again and it's not the first time. Now you regretted it. But you have got no one to blame but yourself. How sad was that? All you can do now is MOVE ON and GET A LIFE.

To him: FUCK YOU MANY MANY..
TO Jolene: MOVE ON...HIS FUCKING HELL NOT WORTH IT.

Lazy =P

2009-06-27T23:55:00.006+08:00

I'm updating this cause you asked me to, so be happy about it. I really appreciate it that you asked me out cause of the extra tickets you have. To tell the truth I felt a little weird for the way you treated me today. You're exceptionally nice, kind, friendly and showing me so much concern. Perhaps that's the real or new you that I'll have to learn to accept. Hope that it will still be the same till I don't know when...=)

I think we both know how important we meant to each other just that no one dares to admit or say it out.

Horrible Movie Date

2009-03-02T23:56:00.002+08:00

Your hugs are so cold so is the way you talk to me. I really misses the old you whom is always cheerful. You put your arms around me to pull me closer to you so that I won't get wet but it felt so cold. Not the warmness I used too feel like in the past. Before the show you're just smsing her. That feeling totally sux.

Tired

2009-01-31T09:38:00.001+08:00

I'm really tired. Can someone walk with me by my side?

When You Look Me In The Eyes

2008-12-26T19:14:00.003+08:00

You always say this to me when we're out. When you look me in the eyes.

If I look you in the eyes,
You will become the same old you.
If I look you in the eyes,
You will treat me like before.
If I look you in the eyes,
You will be with me.
I won't mind looking into your eyes.

Missing It Out

2008-12-18T23:44:00.003+08:00

I'm so sorry for what I have now. Not being able to be there with me but you guys won't fail to be by my side when I need you people. Not being able to go for the Malaysia trip with you guys is not just feeling sad. There's also this guilt in me. Thou you people didn't say a word about it but I know. Making you people to keep on changing the dates for the trip cause of me is really unfair. But I've got no choice. Thank you for always accommodating my training schedules. I really appreciate for what you people had done. THANK YOU.

I miss the YOU whom I used to go out with almost every weekend. The YOU whom treats me so well. Always there to help me with my terrible Mathematics thou you know you will puke blood after teaching me. I miss the EVERYTHING of YOU... REALLY... Can you be like the old YOU whom I used to know and go out with?? You CHANGED so much after your China trip and knowing ... Maybe you didn't notice it, but I DO...

Unwell

2008-09-15T00:01:00.003+08:00

Crap I'm not feeling well after my nap this afternoon. And for the first time I'm feeling so lonely for falling ill. Thinking back at least I've got a friend to accompany me to see a doctor 2years back when I had diarrhoea but now??? NO ONE BY MY SIDE... Not even a person who will call me and ask what did the doctor said after my trip to the doctor. I miss the every little things some people do for me...=( And I miss them dearly...

Death

2008-08-25T20:59:00.003+08:00

To me death is just another path which we will take in life. In short I'm not afraid of death but there's a lot of things I haven't done yet. Like what I always tell my classmates, I don't want to die so young cause I haven't get a boyfriend yet. What a joke right? Haha... But still death is just a start of another better life somewhere.

Perhaps the only thing that I'll not leave in peace is like my family members and also a regret of not telling ... something. =)

In short, if anything happen to me, don't be sad coz I'm leaving for somewhere better.=)

Quiet Time

2008-08-23T23:38:00.002+08:00

Told Kit Yee how I feel about being at the flyer just now, was waiting for Jerm and XZ to come and I told her how I felt standing at that point I was standing when I look down to the new F1 night racing track.

Looking back like 2 years ago, it's just some park with some street lamp at the side and a park like pavement. Now it's a F1 racing track with the flyer by the side. Time have fly past fast and unknowingly for the past 2 years...

Thank you for being there for me two years ago...

Random..

2008-08-12T22:13:00.003+08:00

She said that he've got an ideal boyfriend look
I agree...
I think he've got an ideal boyfriend body build
She didn't say much
I don't know...
I'm just being random now...
Argh....
Stressed....
Study....

The Name Bala...

2008-08-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

Do anyone of you remember when you're in primary school doing some mathematics questions or some problem solving questions. You always see this name BALA. I was so use to this name that I thought it's just a name my teachers made it up like some other simple name Jack, John or Sam.

Guess what... I saw this Indian guy in army uniform on my bus journey to school and his name is BALA. I was thinking, so Bala is really a person name not something that's made up just to write some crap on the question paper.

Pissed...

2008-08-01T22:28:00.005+08:00

Perhaps I'm just asking too much from you and not wanting to hear the other side of the story of you not making it to go out with me. But do you know how happy was I when I saw you in the library the other day? You know how happy was I when you asked me out? Do you know how it felt like to be send to cloud nine and thrown all the way down when you say you can't go out with me?

Maybe I'm just asking too much from you. Sometimes I just felt so tired about it that I shall just stop everything and ... Nothing is EVER. You will never understand how I feel. =( For the first time I teared...

Late Night Sleep

2008-07-28T22:06:00.003+08:00

I was sleeping on the floor last night and hugging my Zeta Pi hoodie to sleep. I actually feel so relax and fall asleep fast. Guess it's because of the hoodie and the smell it have. It makes me feel like as thou I was hugging your Bilabong hoodie with that smell of yours.

The whole of last night makes me feel as thou I had went back in time, when we both lied to stay over at East Coast Park with your YEP friends in a tent all by our self. I still remember that sleepy look of yours, the small tiny eyes of your when you took off your specs looking and staring hard at me as thou I owe you something and you're trying to make me give you a ....

I really miss those days but by now I know that such things will never happen between you and me again. Cause we're just strangers who crossed by each other's path and know each other very well. Two more days to two years and if you do read my blog I think you know what I meant.

2K???

2008-07-22T00:29:00.002+08:00

What's the big deal about having 2k in your bank account when you don't get what you want and what you want is priceless? To me, I'm happy I've got that sum of money to prepare myself for the rainy days but still I'm not as happy as before I came to poly. I think some of you might know what's the reasons, it's not that I don't have really good and close friends around me. It's just what I want is always far and unreachable and when I'm about to give up it just led me on.

Seriously 2k is really no big deal. If you want it you earn it and save it, and stop poking fun of me about what I've. It's not funny and sometimes it's just damn irritating, it's like I worked so hard to save that amount of money and is it that funny? You're not me, you won't understand how much it meant to me but I know my brother knew. Cause you people just don't know how it's like to grew up in a you don't really get to save your pocket money childhood.

The Good Old Time

2008-07-11T22:02:00.004+08:00

Was chatting with pig the other day and I miss my secondary school class.
I miss the good old days with my class especially during Chinese lesson where all the guys talk dirty jokes during lesson, we as a class make teacher angry, had fun disturbing the teachers I just miss those days...

I miss cycling at ECP with Yue Xiu while tanning at the same time.
I miss sitting down at Mac at Clementi with Qi Mei to catch up with each other.
I miss disturbing Farveen, Priya and Shu Hua in school.
I miss cycling with Xue Zhi and Zheng Rong in the evening at ECP.
I miss going to Botanica Garden with Jia Wen, Kai and Xue Zhi to do our photography work.
I miss going to the board game room in the library with Group11.
I miss having lunch with Group11.
I miss watching Princess Diaries with Kai in the library.
I miss the time I whine and be grouchy in front of you and you will still hug me.
I miss watching movies with you when you'll just put your arms around me and make sure I don't feel cold.
I miss talking on the phone with you when you will always play songs on the guitar and sing to me.
I miss cam whoring with you wherever we go out together.
I miss a lot of things that I know I can't name some of it.=)

Holding my breath I pray.
I made some wishes.
One.
Two.
Three.

Shhhh...

Illness??

2008-07-04T23:27:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking about this issue for a few weeks since I watched some tv drama series like last month or the month before. I was actually thinking, if I'm kind of down with some illness I'll choose to fight the war alone. Just don't want to be a burden to the person I like.

Feeling Down

2008-07-01T23:40:00.002+08:00

This few days I've been feeling down part of the reason is due to my common test results. I think this is the worst common test results I get in my past 12 years of studying. This isn't a good thing neither am I proud of it.

Other than this there is something else that makes me feel down too. People close to me or know me well should know what is it. =) Shan't talk much about it here like what I told Pui Shan the other day, this place is no longer a safe place cause I know you read it.=)

Jealous Or Heartbroken???

2008-06-29T21:03:00.005+08:00

You asked me to see your blog and I did. I saw what you wrote and I know it's not me and neither will it be me. To tell the truth it affects me.

Perhaps I'm jealous maybe I'm just heartbroken after reading what you wrote on your blog but to tell the truth the feeling isn't good. I do miss Bjorn at times got the urge to call him and tell him how much I miss him, love him and wanna see him or wanting him to be by my side. But I didn't cause I don't know what will happen. I just wanna live in my own dream world...=)

Running

2008-05-05T23:54:00.002+08:00

Some things have happen a few weeks ago. Seriously, I don't know what I should do or perharps react to it. All I know is lol(laugh out loud) and =p. Only a few people know how I feel about the whole issue with my reply to them.

Currently was listening to Melt The Snow by Shayne Ward. Here are some lines that just explains how I feel...

Sometimes out my window
I notice that you've been crying over him
And I wonder why you just don't
Kick him to the curb

You see love at first is summer time
That's when you think that everything's fine
No one ever thinks its gonna end
But when things go wrong and winter comes

Sime nights I can hear you
Screaming on the phone over
something that he did
And I wonder what can I do
To make you throw him out
so you can let me in

The Feeling

2008-04-20T23:25:00.003+08:00

Went to Paragon just now and took the lift down to first floor from outside toy's r us think it's about a year plus ago since the last time. The moment I stepped into the lift, memories came flooding into my mind like as though it will all happen again. What happen there, what we did and what we almost do. Everything came flooding my mind but there's nothing I can do. Cause you're no longer around. But so what? You've move on with your life and so do I. We are now just strangers who know each other very well...

Your birdthday is coming soon... Don't think I'll call or sms you that day... But I'll be here to wish you a HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY and may all your wishes come true...=)

Good Things Always Comes To An End

2008-04-06T23:45:00.003+08:00

Many things has happen within the past few months. I've been living in this world sliently without making much noise. But till then, I seriously can't take it anymore, just let me make some noise.

I admit I like him very much, but he like someone else. Sad is all I can say but so what? Don't think he will want me. Thought the feeling for him is back again especially when I went out with him that particular friday.

Ok... Enough of him. Now is my team. Devlin rangers started off with 15 people. But now only left with the 11 of us. It's kind of sad to hear this but still everyone slowly left. It's hurts a lot but no one really want to say or talk about it. It's even worst when you're the last one to know that they are no longer your team mates...

Treasured...

2008-01-24T17:33:00.001+08:00

Was talking to Dennis Tam the other day at the convection centre during school open house. He look more happier in a sense where by looking as if it's great to be able to walk again.

It actually let me feel that one will only treasure what they have after they had almost lost it. Or perharps when you've just recovered from an illness that almost too something precious from you. It is then you will look happier and treasure what you have.

Sharity Gift Box

2007-11-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

I had fun helping out at the sharity gift box. Like you know giving out food and some other stuff you use everyday to the old and poor?? It's a very good feeling to see the smile you bought to their face..Really...Even thought it's tiring but still you'll feel great and proud of yourself for giving them those stuff... Seeing the smile on the old people's face is really nice and no words can decribe the feeling.

Imagine carrying 2 big bags of stuff and knocking on the door. Seeing the smile on their face and asking you to get into their house thought you're wearing shoes??? It's a very nice feeling...Really... People who didn't do it before really have to try it...I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself...=)

Random Thought...

2007-10-14T20:10:00.000+08:00

Just came back from FCC(Fishy Canoeist Camp) I really had fun at the camp. I was chatting with Shu Hui, Shawn and Shun Li. Shu Hui asked me why was I so suprise that she was with a guy who was younger then her and also why I won't accept guys who are younger than me. I was like I don't know...Just feel insecure to be with a guy whose younger than me ba..haha...Like going out with a little brother...haha..Just kidding...

But find it true on her saying of if you really love the person age doesn't matter...What's most important is being happy with the person you're with...=)

I Really Don't Know...

2007-08-06T22:15:00.000+08:00

I seriously don't know what I want. 1 side of me is a yes but the other side of me is telling me to say no. I really don't know. Jennifer was right, I'm afraid of getting hurt. I don't know what I really want, all I can say is that I'm afraid of living in torture like when I was with my best friend's brother. It really sux big time when you're with someone doing whatever things a couple will do but you got no feeling for that person.

I admit I'm finding a hell lot of excuses to run away from what I have to answer now. Cause I really don't know what to say to him. I know he is a nice guy and I don't want to hurt him or like lie to him. So I really don't know what to say to him...Perharps just wait and see for the time being till the time is right.=)

Time To Move On

2007-07-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

It's time for me to move on. Have been waiting for the past 6 months for just a call. As days passes by and getting closer to this day 13JULY2006 I know that the chances of him calling is getting slimmer and slimmer. I don't really expect much now. Just hope that he had the time of his life when we're together. All the best in life and whatever you do. Hope you find your lucky girl soon. =)

Life All About

2007-05-24T16:49:00.000+08:00

Treasure lifes and your love ones...

Be strong even you know you can't...

Courage is something you would want from a competition even though you know you might lose...

Pain

2007-04-19T17:25:00.000+08:00

His birthday is coming. Kind of miss him very much wonder what is he doing. How I wish I can be by his side to celebrate his birthday with him. Just wanted to be by his side very very much but nothing can bring time back.

I simply don't understand what does he mean by we are still friends but don't talk or contact each other anymore. So what's the point of saying that we are still friends?? It really doesn't make sense to me.

Another thing that I'm still in doubt is that why he wanted a break up so sudden and can he at least give me a really reason. Instead of what sounds more like an excuse. All I can say is I still miss him very much...

Tired

2007-03-09T10:15:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of many things now. Just can't really move on with life with something I still don't know which is the really reason behind the break up. All I can say is that I really miss you very very much. Everytime when I work at Suntec Haagen Dasz I will always remember what we had done there especially when I'm going to throw the rubbish. I'll always walk past the place we had most fun. But so what I don't think you give a damn about it.

I really miss you A LOT and this song playing on this web TIME OF YOUR LIFE is specially delicated for you. I really miss you a lot and hope yu had th e time of your life when we are together....

An Expected Break Up

2007-01-15T19:39:00.000+08:00

I kind of expected that this will happen between me and him. Soon enough my gut feeling is right. Even if he didn't say he want a break up I'm going to do it after my birthday it's because of the way he treat me. I'm a human being I have brain to think and have feeling... It's rather obvious that you change a lot after you're back from Laos. Anyway I had enough, I have to listen to you while you don't even listen to me. I'm a human not a robot where I have to listen to your order. It's a little disappointed to part ways like that but maybe it's time to do it. You always have no time to accompany me and never support what I like to do. It hurts me when you say no to my request on things I love to do in the past and my friends complaint that I'm not as bubbly as before when I'm with you. Perharps it's a relieve for both of us whereby you don't have to force yourself to do things you don't like. May we still be friends and God bless you.

A little something for you. It's a feeling I have when I'm with you.

2007 Resolution

2007-01-05T18:38:00.000+08:00

2006 Resolution Check List

1. Get good results for prelim and 'O' Level just like the way my 'N' Level result.
Result haven't come out yet and may God bless me to get good grades...

2. Be more confident when giving commands and instruction.
Kind of manage to did that. Thanks to Jia Hao. =)

3. Be Class Chairperson for 1 last year.
I did it...=) Being the Class Chairperson for 3years...

4. Think positive.(Hope i can do it.)
Don't think I did this...I'm still very cynic. =(

5. Stop scolding F-word and stuff.(Can I control my temper that well???)
Seldom say F-word after knowing my dar coz i cannot say in front of him...hehe...while others I still do. So afterall not that bad.

6. Be more soft spoken.(Can I?)
Not really...

7. Don't let others people's comment affect my feeling and mood.
Still not that bad. Can say I did it.

8. Be more hardworking.
Yes I am. It's all because of 'O' Level.

9. Lose as much weight as possible.(To be able to fit into my dream tube-dress.)
I've been gaining weight ever since I'm with him. Because we kind of always go out and eat and also my 'O' Level that I don't really have time to go and excerise. =x

10. Get attached after my damn 'O' Level.(hehe...i sound as if I'm a despo...)
Yes, I am and it's before my damn 'O' Level.=X

This year's Resolution will be those that i didn't do last year.

1. Lose as much weight as possible.(To be able to fit into my dream tube-dress and to be healthier so I can ask him to excerise.=) )

2. Spend more time with my family, friends and him.=)

3. Think Positive.

4. Get into my dream course.

5. Earn more money during holiday, weekend or part-time job.

6. Be more hard working and get bursary=$$.

7. Be more soft spoken.

8. Join some company to be a camp instructor.

9. Spend more time with Dad to help him to recover soon.

10. Pick up a new sports or something new.

Speically For You

2006-11-21T08:33:00.000+08:00

I'm very disappointed with you. I really don't know what I had done wrongly I know I'm the one who started talking about break up. All I want is that you can squeeze out more time for me I know that you are a very busy person but have you ever try? I really don't understand why you have to ask your mum if you can come out and meet me. I know you love your mum very much and I don't mind about it because I know you are being filial. But it really hurts me when you say that when it comes to your mother there is no but. I'm just wondering if you have ever put yourself in my shoe to think about how I feel???

Perharps we are not even meant for each other. I feel that you didn't even bother to go and find out how I feel at some moment of the time in the relationship. I also feel that you neglected my feeling when I'm out with you or when we are on the phone line. Especially when I'm asking if you can go out with me anot? Your first reaction is to check if you are free anot, for that I understand but when you say you have to ask your mum if you can go out anot that really hurts my feeling. It makes me feel that you are not the person I know and the kind of person I love in the past because you are just like a puppet of your mother like a person who lack the ablitity to make his or her own decision to make yourself and people around you to be happy.

Last night when you told me that I broke two of your rules, do you know how surprise I was? Shouldn't you told me about all this rules you have from the start of our relationship instead of before we are about to break up? At least we can play along the rules and not breaking any and you refuse to tell me about all the rules as you say it's too personal. Shouldn't there be no secrets between us since we are a couple? I feel that you are hiding a lot of your personal thoughts in the inner most you.

I also find that one of the two rule you told me is rather ridiculous that is you promise yourself not to kiss a girl and you blame it on me that I broke that rule of yours. I understand that it's the way that you are being bought up makes you have those kind of rules but you are pushing the blame to me. I'm not the one who ask you to kiss me, you are the one who did that? You refuse to let me home outside of my house unless I give you a kiss and who is the one who ask for a kiss before we go on seperate ways heading home and who is the one who ask for a kiss before hanging up the phone? It's you doing it not me and now you blame me for making you feel guilty all the time. Do you know how I feel?

Have you ever wonder how happy I was when you give me a call or send me a sms? I can tell you that I'm very happy and no word can describe the happiness in me when I see your name appearing on the message or our picture accompany with your name when you call me. Perharps to you it is a task or a chore than something you will love doing to make me happy. I really don't know if you did treasure our relationship as much as I treasure you and the relationship for the past three months and twenty-two days.

Do you know how angony I feel when you say those words to me? Do you know that I'm trying my best to accommodate your likes and dislikes. I won't mind giving up watching horror moive for the sake of you and do what you like but have you gave a thought about my feeling? I don't think so.

Do you know that in the past three months and twenty-two day I'm with you it is the happiest time I ever had in the past seventeen years of my life. Like what I've told you I won't mind giving up all I have just to be with you and make you happy. I'll even rush down to be by your side when you need me anytime but can you do the same for me? I don't think so because I know you will allow your mum to come into the situation. Have you ever wonder that how painful it is when you told me that breaking the two rules, you will never be completely happy again? Do you know that this sentence is like a knife cutting my heart deeply again and again?

I really hope that you will try your best to save our relationship last night but I was wrong you didn't do so because you feel that I'm asking you to make a choice between your mum and me which is not what I want or meant. I simply just want to let you know how I feel when I'm with you but I don't think you give a damn about how I feel.

This video is what you had made for me on one of our anniversary. I really like it a lot and now I still like it but tears will start flowing when the music starts to play and the photos starts changing and I know you will not do a single thing for the relationship to start again.

A little something I tried making for you for our 4month anniversary but now i think it's a goodbye gift.

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Life is not measured by the qualitity of breaths you take, but with the qualitity of moments that took your breath away...

Tuesday With Morrie(Mitch Albom)

2006-10-14T13:48:00.000+08:00

Recently I was reading a book Tuesday With Morrie. It's about an old man, a young man and life's greatest lesson. I found something very interesting last night when i as reading it.

"I heard a nice little story the other day," Morrie says. He closes his eyes for a moment and I wait.

"Okay.The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. He's enjoying the wind and the fresh air- until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore.

"My God, this is terrible,' the waves says. 'Look what's going to happen to me!'

"Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave,looing grim, and it says to him, 'Why do you look so sad?'

"The first wave says, 'You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?'

"The second wave says, 'No, you don't understand. You're not a wave, you're part of the ocean.' "

I smile. Morrie closes his eyes again.

"Part of the ocean," he says, "part of the ocean." I watch him breath, in and out, in and out.

Holding Hands

2006-08-05T13:09:00.000+08:00

If you live in Clementi area you basically can see this old couple holding each other hand walking towards the MRT station early in the morning. It actually touches my heart wondering how loving they are at such an old age.

Every morning if I manage to see this old couple in front of me on my way to school it kind of brighten up my day. As you know it's not easy to make a relationship last and work for such a long time. I just simply cannot stop looking at this old couple whenever I see them. Instead I'll take a few more look at them and move on. Just wondering if there is such thing called True and Ever Lasting Love...

New Life

2006-07-31T17:01:00.000+08:00

Erm...what can I say? I'm attached to Fei Zhu(Fat Pig) go figure out who is he if you want to know. He gives me a new life and promise to be by my side when anything happen. Thank You. This is the thing that touches my heart and that is also why I say yes.

Today morning my friend(one of my sis) talk sense to me. Find what she say make a lot of sense. Just wondering if I did a wrong move because I'm doing my 'O' Level this year and I'm in this situation.

I can't really say anything now but to apologise to my dear if I negelate you and treat you badly before my 'O' Level hope you won't mind about it because you are very important to me SINCE yesterday 0230.

Cling On???

2006-07-20T12:11:00.000+08:00

Frankly speaking it's been a long time since I last chatted with JY online. He is going to Vietnam on 15Aug and to National Service on 9September that means I cannot look him up till after my stupid 'O' Level and it's far before my prelimnary examination start. I'm fine with it.

Called him just now on my way to school for examination. He is sick for 3weeks...What The Hell never go and see doctor. Argh.

I don't know if I should continue to cling on and wait till after his 3months and settle our problem since last year or should I just carry on with life. Puzzled. Confussed. That is how I feel right now.

Green Toffee

2006-07-14T10:59:00.000+08:00

Basically Green Toffee is a name I gave to this little cactus Miss Wu gave me. I find it so cute and keep touching the thorns as it's still young and soft. Thanks to me, the thorns start to drop off one by one.

Green Toffee is a cactus which represents Endurance and Perseverance. As this is our last lap, it's important for us to endure and persevere for 'O' Level and it's nothing if we can go through all the shit...

Nail In The Fence

2006-06-17T15:18:00.000+08:00

There was once a little boy who had a bad temper.His father gave him a bag of nail and told him that every time he lost his temper,he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks,as he learned to control his anger the number of nails hammered in daily dwindled.
He discovered it was easier to control his temper than to hammer those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn''t lose his temper at all.He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

Days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails has been pulled out.The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.He said,"you have done well,my son,but look at the holes in the fence.The fence will never be the same.When you say things in anger,they leave a scar just like this one.You can put a knife in a man and drew it out,it won''t matter how many times you say I''m sorry,the wound is still there.A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.Friends are very rare jewels,indeed,they make you smile and encourage you to succeed.They lend an ear,they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us". So do not hurt people and then regret for life. The relationship may not be the same again.

Speechless

2006-06-16T14:49:00.000+08:00

The photo is the Pulitzer Prize winning photo taken in 1994 during the Sudan famine. The picture shows a famine stricken crawling towards a UN food camp located a kilometer away. The vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat it. This picture shocked the whole world. No one knows what happened to the child, including the photographer Kevin Carter who left the place as soon as the photograph was taken. Three months later he commited suicide due to depression.

1 of my friend send a e-mail to me with this picture and saying not to waste food that we have because people in the other part of the world do not have food to eat. This picture actually make quite a big impact in me and the way we should treasure food that we have instead of throwing it away.

Looking at this picture many things actually came to my mind like donating money to needy countries and oversea community involvement program where you can build school or hospital for those people. Perharps adopt a little kid and allow him or her to have a proper educcation and be like kid in the other world have a good childhood.

I think I sound very holy...Just kidding. But if I really have that amount of money I'll go and adopt a kid and pay for his or her education fee. Most likelly also join Red Cross as a volunteer just like what Jia Hao is doing now.

Words

2006-06-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

Words

Smile an everlasting smile
A smile could bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
'Cause that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost it's glory
Let's start a brand new story
Now my love right now there'll be
No other time and I can show you
How my love
Talk in everlasting words
And dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life
I'm here if you should call to me
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away

2006-05-27T17:07:00.000+08:00

Recently had a dream that looks very real, I really hope that it will not come true… it sound and look so real that I cannot fall back to sleep after I wake up. It all started with me calling him.
Me: Hello
JY: Hello, you call for?
Me: Fun…Talk…
JY: Erm…We have got nothing to talk about
And he hung up on me.
Me: Hello
JY: I told you that there is nothing for us to talk so don’t bother to call again
And he hung up on me again
JY: I told you not to call already right? Anyway I’ve a gf already so if you call again I’ll not answer the call…
And he hung up.

Anyway I’ve been thinking a lot about this dream. I personally felt that it is a nightmare and I really don’t want it to come true. And this dream happened after both or maybe I piss him off. So now is like cool down week for both of us I think it’s because we didn’t even communicate to each other after what happen last Tuesday.

Theory About Relationship

2006-04-22T01:20:00.000+08:00

Basically I've just found out why I'm still not in a relationship with anybody who I like. Not because they don't want me or I don't want them it's just that I'm afraid of getting into a relationship.

I just found this phrase suit into my theory about relationship and why I'm not in a relationship: You are more frightened of feelings rather than unable to feel, You are more timid of commitment rather than unable to commit. Think this phrase really make sense to me, and I know myself well I am a person who is kind of a little unreasonable at times and I know that I'll be super unreasonable when I don't feel the sense of secure. But how am I going to get my sense of secure from a guy who treasure freedom much more then then sense of secure??

Can I say I rejected 2guys or should I say I rejected 1?? I really rejected 1 guy due to race and religion, but the other the 1 I'm not very sure. He actually asked me if I wanna try out with him for kind of 3times but I've given him the same answer for all 3times... let time give us the answer we want. There's once I'm kind of being too selfish, wanted to be with him just to forget about someone else. He actually scolded me for doing that and he said that I'm just being selfish and not being fair to him. This actually make me think about should I really get into a relationship.

Asked my close buddy who I know since primary1. He actually told me that I shouldn't be bother about this at the moment, I should be busy studying for my 'o' level and studies. I totally agree with it but I need someone who can kind of force me and motivate me to go and study...

If he do ask me again my answer is YES not that I'm despo but I really like him and he has become part of my life that I've been relying on mentally.

What is Holiday?

2006-03-12T10:50:00.000+08:00

My march holiday is gone. It is fully packed with lessons and some what crap workshop that all sec5s have to attend. I hope the workshop will really help me in my studies, since the teacher say it's a very good course.

JY suppost to accompany me to the IT SHOW but then he have got what job training so cannot accompany me. He apologise to me about it. What can I do? Can't possibly ask him not to go for his work training what.

Lucky me manage to find my buddies to go out with me. Love them to the core man. I can't imagine how my life will be without them.

Is It A Mistake

2006-02-26T07:09:00.000+08:00

Two days ago I sms Hafiz asking him where he wanted to go. So in the end we chatted on the phone. Lucky he is around and willing to listen to my problem as I'm super nervous about the comepetition. I asked him a question that perturb me for quite sometime ever since after he confuss to me. I actually asked him why he like me. He say coz I'm CUTE...To me is like CUTE??? Am I??? He is not the only one who say that. I've got the feeling that I've done something wrong and kind of giving him false hope that I may accept him.

On the other hand, I'm quite piss off by JY. Fine if you tell me you got exam the next day but what do you mean by THIS IS MY LAST REPLY...I started to question myself what makes you feel so piss off?? Is it you found a special someone you like already??? If that is the reason I'll wish you and her all the best and stop calling you or sms you. And if that is the case, I rather you tell me straight then not letting me know what is happening right now.

Jealous

2006-02-07T18:06:00.000+08:00

What can I say??? Called him last friday and I heard a female voice asking who called?? Fine I admit that I'm jealous. The next day he told me that he just reach home so I asked how come so late??? Accompany the girl you are with last night issit??? His reply is issit??You hear wrongly... Fine, what can I do can't possibly ask him to say yes when he say no right???

Vexed

2006-01-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

Finally got time to update my blog. Currently I'm busy doing an oncoming project on learning aid for my Design & Techonlogy project for my 'O' level at the end of this year.

Today was CCA open house for all uniform group in school. But it was so boring unlike in the past few years where all CCA start asking people to join and you see many people walking around the whole school. I've just found out that none of the cadets really know how to pitch a tent!!! So I ended up doing most of the pegging and stuff which actually make me kind of the dirtiest person in the whole unit with mud cover almost on my whole track pants.

Secondly, I'm not able to carry out what was instructed to me yesterday so the campcraft stuff is kind of slow down. The number of manpower I need is also not enough. How am I able to carry out what I'm suppose to do in time??? Whatever it is I'm lucky enough to have some malay boys to help me with the campcraft business. Or I'm going to go crazy and start yelling at people.

I Want Life

2006-01-07T13:24:00.000+08:00

Life is starting to get more and more dull to me. Nowadays I don't really like to go to school as school life is kind of not so exciting as the sec4 express people are gone. My D&T project is going to start on monday wonder what is the theme for this year. Once project start I'm going to be very busy and won't have much time to chat online line or even call him.

Finally I see him online. Just know that he fainted at home. He didn't contact me since New Year till now. I'm so busy watching tv also got no time to call him. I want my life...

Recently I keep hearing the ending part of an jing. In the lyrics it say I'll learn to give you up because I love you too much. I find this phrase very meaningful, and I'll learn to be like this phrase.

New Year Resolution

2005-12-31T12:27:00.000+08:00

Few more hours to a brand new year 2006. Shall wish everyones' may your dream come true. Basically I shall list Top10 resolution.
1. Get good results for prelim and 'O' Level just like the way my 'N' Level result.
2. Be more confident when giving commands and instruction.
3. Be Class Chairperson for 1 last year.
4. Think positive.(Hope i can do it.)
5. Stop scolding F-word and stuff.(Can I control my temper that well???)
6. Be more soft spoken.(Can I?)
7. Don't let others people's comment affect my feeling and mood.
8. Be more hardworking.
9. Lose as much weight as possible.(To be able to fit into my dream tube-dress.)
10. Get attached after my damn 'O' Level.(hehe...i sound as if I'm a despo...)

Wish Come True

2005-12-22T12:02:00.000+08:00

Had 1 of my christmas wish come true. I got my result on monday to my surprise, I score quite well. I pass my English with a B3. But I still have got 1 more wish, he know what is it and I know what is it, but will time let it come true? I don't know. Let's wait for christmas to let it come true and it will be my biggest christmas present for the year.

Mixed Feeling

2005-12-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I last update here. Recently many things happen don't really know what to say. Last friday or should I say it's early morning on saturday, I helped my friend to ask a question and he say don't want to entertain idiot. And he went offline, so I called him and ask if he is angry anot?? He told me he not in the mood to talk and hang me up...It's like even if you not in the mood to talk at least say a sorry right...Or maybe don't answer the call and send a sms and say that you are not in the mood to talk...Will it kill you to send 1??? I'm kind of disappointed in what he say and the way he react. I can say I'm super piss of by it.

Went for my cousin wedding on saturday. So touching man...they actually know each other on irc...it's so cool. Then went to town and shop around with my mind thinking of what happen within him and him.

Qm told me not to talk to him due to this incident. Haiz...don't know what to do to talk or not to talk. If he willing to say sorry I don't mind talking or maybe he come and talk to me.

If I'm To Be Gone

2005-11-28T16:41:00.000+08:00

I was wondering if 1 day I'm gone to a far away land not living on Earth anymore, will you people cry for me? Regret your life for not saying the thing or an answer I'm waiting for?? If I were you people I'lll cry for you all but I'll will not leave my life with regrets. I've say what I wanna say do what I wanna do.

Nowadays keep thinking about death and nothing good or pleasant, don't ask me why cause I also don't know. Just afraid that there is this one day I may leave you people and never see you all again. Hope he won't live his life with regret for not saying what I'm kind of waiting for. Because I won't leave with regret as I've already state my stand not being a despo but I don't want to leave the world with anything undone.

Wrong Move

2005-11-19T13:49:00.000+08:00

Fred say that I say the wrong thing. As I'm now waiting for him to ask me the question he asked on 15October again. I didn't give him an answer up till now but I've been beating around the bush about it. He knew it and he play along, and I hate playing guessing game with him cause he always know what's in my mind when I don't even have a clue about what he's thinking.

Yi Zhen say I wasted a good chance. I didn't agree with it, after a few thought I agree with her. I don't want history to repeat itself again when I finally manage to forget about my old past which bring me so much pain. I felt relieve to be able to forget him and wasn't with him. Cause he is kind of a violence person, he threw a dustbin to his dad for no reason.

Hinted him again last night, told him my christmas wish for this year. He asked me what present I want but I told him I want someone to take care of me and good results. He didn't say anything then...just say that I'm hinting him. What can I say???I really don't want history to repeat itself again.

Let it go(Kimberly Kirberger)

2005-11-12T13:25:00.000+08:00

Throughout your life you will be faced with the challenge of letting go. You may have to let go of a pet that has to be put to sleep, a friend who has moved to another state, or even your favorite shirt that’s been shrunk in the dryer. No matter how big or small your loss might be, letting it go is never easy. Your ability to let go is like a muscle you must develop. The more you practice, the stronger is gets.

It’s important to understand exactly what it means to let go. If your best friend moves far away, you must let go of your attachment to living close to her. You have to learn to be okay with the fact that you won’t be going to the mall together every weekend, walking to school side by side, or sitting together at lunch. However, you don’t have to let go of your friendship, you only have to accept that the things you do together as friends are going to be different now. Letting go is the willingness to accept change and loss.

Understanding the difference between love and attachment is very helpful when a romantic relationship ends. At first everything that reminds you of him-the song you danced to at the prom, the food you used to eat together, the places you used to go. You feel like crying whenever you think of him. The only explanation you can think of for how strongly you feel is that maybe you’re still in love with him.

What’s more likely is that you are feeling the effects of severing an attachment. When you let someone into your life romantically, it’s like theh two of you weave a blanket around yourselves. Each thread that pulls apart can feel painful, even excruciating. But the thing you want to remember is this: Although you are miserable now, you will feel better soon. This is a guarantee. You will not feel this sad forever. Just as it took time to develop an attachment to your boyfriend, it will take time to let it go.

It is also important to be able to let go of your stress. When you catch yourself worrying or obsessing over something you really can’t do anything about, gently remind yourself: This is out of my control. I am going to let it go. This is different from ignoring tour problems. You are simply letting go of the anxiety they create. A sense of peacefulness will come over you when you stop trying to control things and surrender to what is.

Letting go of a serious problem like an eating disorder or drug addiction is extremely challenging. It can take a long time before you realize you even have a problem. It can take even longer before you realize you are ready to get over it. You may have developed the eating disorder or drug addiction as a way to cope with other painful issues in your life. It is often necessary to turn to others-people already in your life and professionals like therapists and doctors-for objective feedback and support.

Whether you are letting go of a relationship that is no longer healthy or the pain you carry due to personal problems you’ve endured, remind yourself that you are freeing up space in your life for new, positive experiences, people, and emotions.

Every bit of memory of BH is just kind of a memory to me now. And he is just a passer-by in my life. It's not easy to forget him but I have manage to do it...Because I've found someone more important than him.

Life Experience

2005-11-04T20:07:00.000+08:00

Had a 3hours talk with him last night. I think I really had a heart to heart talk with him for a while. What he say really make sense and it really make me think that life isn't as bad as I think it is.

There is no such things as friends forever. Friends are just parts and parcels in our life. We may be very good friends now but who know what will it be like in the next minute.

Sometimes we should just forget about things and not rememeber it as it brings pain to our life. Rememebr only the happy stuff is what I've learn from him. Now thinking about what I had done in the past is a little foolish yet childish but that is me. And he is just a passer-by in my life who bring a big impact.

A baby was given birth but it's life was taken away. But after given an emergency treatment, it's heart beat started again and now it's alive living strong and health. It's kind of a second life give to the baby. The person treasure it's life and it makes me realiase that life is so fragile as it can be taken away any time at any moment.

I would admit that I'm a person who have got not enough life experience, so what's the big deal everyone will learn from their mistakes, past and others. Thus, it make me really want to treasure the person who told me this stuff even more. Simiply because I really want to learn more from him.

The Missing Part Of Me

2005-11-02T16:55:00.000+08:00

Someone keep on asking me about who is the "SPECIAL" someone in my heart. I not going to say who is he. I'm not prepared to deal with what is going to happen after the answer is being say. But I hope if there is any answer, the person can sing a song by Stevie Wonder- I Just Called To Say I Love You. Did I say out who the "SPECIAL" someone is??? Hope I didn't say out who he is or hinted anyone who he is, even if you know also shh...I don't want people to come asking me who is he???

I loved this song very much since I first heard it at Suntec last friday. Just find that the lyrics make a lot of meaning.

Somebody told me he not ready for relationship and say he is useless. Why tell me that?? If you think you are useless then you should do something and prove to yourself that you are not useless. Because no one can help you if you think you yourself is useless. Don't keep on asking who is the person in my heart...I won't say till the day I think it should be say. IF you want to make wild guesses go ahead beacuse I won't say.

Paranoia

2005-10-31T22:37:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to be Paranoia. I vacuum the floor twice in my room and I still feel that it is very dusty. Kasinah say I'm being paranoid, Qi mei say I'm not a clean freak and Yue Xiu say i think too much. Don't know just feel that the room is damn dirty and dusty even after cleaning up.

Just now asked him something that I've been thinking for a long time. Guess what is the answer from him....MUST SEE HOW is the answer I got from him...fine with me...I'm not going to admit anything when the answer is him...

Surprise

2005-10-29T10:18:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I gave someone a Surprise=p.Yue Xiu and I went to Suntec to look for Jun Ye. I think he is not that bad looking so cute. Last night, I was chatting with him on the phone. Then everytime I will play The Reason when we are chatting on the phone. He asked me if I'm thinking of my ex...? Erm...I'm not thinking of my ex...coz I don't evem have any. I suddenly say you want to be my bf ar??? Then he say you want meh???? I'm kind of lost lor words so in the end we kept quiet for a while. Then he told me what he did today and the mistake he did...hehe=x charge people cheaper... hehe=x.

I was listening to An Jing then started to think of many things. Started to think about the heritage tour, and how my cadets treat me like i'm invisible. No one talk to me. Everyone talk among themselves, no one talk to me. I hate that feeling but no one care... all of them think of themselves only... And if you try to tell me that we are one big family I don't take that and I don't believe it man...

The Fear

2005-09-16T20:43:00.000+08:00

There is a certain kind of fear which started to grow in my heart no matter what others say, I 'm still feeling lost. I know there are people out there giving me support like my English teacher, my classmate especially Wee Ling and someone special out there.

Maybe that is why I'm feeling frighten and not wanting to go out there and start anew. Having this feeling isn' good. I HATE THE FEELING, it's kind of no one give a damn about my futher.

After getting my English paper yesterday I'm getting more frighten and the feeling of fear grew even stronger. I'm afraid that I might not make it for next year, I'm not trying to be cynic but I'm starting to be afraid. No one is by my side until I tell them.It's really frightening to be alone.

Disappointed...

2005-08-19T23:42:00.000+08:00

Today got prelim, and I think I didn't do well espically for chinese. Gonna disappoint my chinese teacher as for geogerphy didn't really study as not enough time to study.

I've started to think of shorten my life again...I know that's not very good but what can I do when there is no one to be with me and listen to what I wanna say. I'm starting to feel very depress, there is nothing I can do well or good in. And it make me feel like I'm kind of a useless person.

I'm Not A Despo

2005-08-01T16:53:00.001+08:00

Someone ask me to be his gf, I'm not going to say who is he. But I rejected him as I don't think it's fair to the person when I've someone in my mind even though he don't mind.

I dare say that I wanna someone to take care of me but I won't accept anyone just like that. As getting into a relationship is not a one person matter and it's not very fair for someone to give in to the other party more that what they should.

I won't accept the person not because he is not good looking or what just because I'm afraid that I'm just a replacement of someone and it isn't fair for me. And it isn't fair for him to go out with a person who is thinking of other people.

Afterall, I'm not getting into a relationship yet as I'm waiting for the speacial someone to appear...

Path...

2005-07-27T15:57:00.000+08:00

Think a lot about my future as I got a Singapore Poly booklet on the courses. I've decided to go for either Marine Engineering ,Nactical Studies or Info-communication Techonlogy.

The first two courses is on marine which is my interest can get to go out of sea. the other one is coz of him the person who make me not forget of him and to prove to him that i can study well.=x

Think I should just let go off the pass and remember the present...But I'll miss him.

Stress Man...

2005-07-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

Argh...I'm so stress now all my prelim exam come after National Day and 'N' Level paper is after Teachers' Day Celebration. I'm feeling so stress, the first time in my life i started to be so nervous and started thinking about what Iwanna be in my futher.

Today had my chinese oral think won't score very well cause too nervous when reading the passage so in the end the words I know how to read become don't know how to read. Sad man feel like crying but no point crying over spilled milk. That makes me live with it and strive for the best for my last 3 paper for my chinese. Chen lao si still have high hope on me after i tell him what happen.

As for D&T don't know what to say i still left with so many things to do. 2 DAYS left how am I able to complete it in time. Some more I still got folio going to die man.

No Decision

2005-05-28T02:55:00.000+08:00

Currently I 'm looking for someone who can motivate me to work hard and study hard. E.T actually make me wanna work hard and study to score good result not for him but for myself and also not to disappoint him as he really put in a lot of effort to teach me=x.

He is so sweet man. Help me to print out some copies of trial paper and ask me to do haha I really appriciate it and will try to complete it by tuesday I hope so.

Saw x.l. just now at Singapore Poly, didn't talk to him but just look at him and he look at me then treat him as if he is invisible and talk to my friends.

The Moment

2005-05-14T14:58:00.000+08:00

Recently I've been thinging about a lot of things especially those that happen in the past. Think I should just let down the past in stead of holding on to it so tightly. But words are easier than action I don't know where to start forgetting things happy or not be it or not it's not easy to forget. It's been so long that he is taken and all I can do is just sit down at one conner wishing him and her all the best. So what if we see each another we won't talk just look at each other and do our own things.

No matter what happen to me I don't think he will be bother about it. Listening to some songs remind me of him. So what nothing can bring back the past especially 25 December 2002. It will always be a day I'll never forget. I'll let you go as long as you are happy no point of me holding to you since you have someone in your heart. I truefully wish you all the best with her and your life. May God bless you no matter what happen I'll be by your side.

I may sond foolish but that is all I can do for him. I know he may not even like it but so what I'm willing to do it.

Puzzled...

2005-03-31T18:10:00.000+08:00

Seriously say I'm very puzzle about what happen yesterday. And now I think there is something going on internally where I got no idea of what is going on. Whatever it is I'm not going to give a damn about it. As I've promise, since I didn't get something I shall put 100%of concentration on my studies. Told almost everyone who was there yesterday. Don't think I'm doing a wrong thing or move but in fact I felt very relieve that I had made up my mind in putting all effort and concentration on studies.

Don't think my present is appreciated at all place including CCA so there is no point for me to stay on and do all the stuff with my full effort when it's not being appreciated. Not trying to say I'm going to give up but I'm stating that no matter what I do NO ONE ever say well done or good job but instead it's kind ofbeing treated like a rubbish where everyone take it for granted fine with me. Since all the things I do with all my heart are being treated like rubbish what's the point of me to continue doing it whole-heartedly.

Believe it or not

2005-03-21T18:22:00.000+08:00

Recently many things happen not nice things but all are just crap stuff. First thing is that YQ's birthday they went celebrating her birthday without asking me along and that is how they treat me, just because I'm in he other class.

Friday night I cry myself to sleep feeling so left out by my dear close friends and feel that no one is concern about me and my whereabout not only this they are just kind of don't really bother about how I feel and make me feel more like being a unwelcomed person. Sometimes I feel like just let me get knock down by a car and you people don't have to worry about be going for your parties anot since I'm so unpresentable.

Now I can only rely on my radio where it is my companion for most of my journey to school and back home sometimes even school outing. What to do when my dear friend go for celebration without me.

Don't think much people know how I actually feel most of the time coz whenever they see me. I'm always with a cheerful look on the face but did you people ever come and find out how I feel. NO no one ever did even if I put a fake smile on my face no one ever know how I feel.

I'm Being Feelingless...

2005-03-11T22:27:00.000+08:00

Is there such word feelingless or should I say emotionless. Francis say that I'm trying to be like Kong Wee if I'm trying my best to have no feeling for everyone. I don't know, I only know that the day Isaw him I try my best to kind of piss him off and act as if I'm in very good life -phew- think I'm just don't know what I'm thinking also.

He didn't talk to me not even see me with the right eye who cares man. He hurt me so deeply that leave a scare in my life which I'll never forget about it. Q.M. say that I'm purely jealous of him but to tell the truth I'm not but just don't know what I'm thinking.

Anyway don't know who the person who keep on tagging my tag board. Then what I love you... don't play gussing game.

Recently quite unlucky keep on falling. Had my third great fall today. Don't quite believe that it's a good year for dragon cause I keep on having down luck. The first time I fall this year is on first day of new year. The second time I fall is during PE lesson 2 weeks ago. And the third time is today what the hell and it's also the third time I fall this term-cum-second time I fall in school.

Got back my result slip today don't know how the system calculate. Calculate till my L1R4 17points. But then if calculate for 'N' Level to go for Sec5 it will be 4 points hehe that's great. But Mrs Ali ask me when am I going to score for her humanatilies lolz then I say just get a band 3 for it I'll be damn happy.

What's In My Mind

2005-03-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday don't know is lucky or what I manage to took a look at Beng. He is still the same not much changes, just that he become a little fatter and shorter maybe I grow taller.

Today in the bus 29 I've been thinking quite a lot of stuff about someone. Especially the way someone treat me after that incident. Don't know what is he up to. Anyway that person have been trying to piss me off quite often wonder what is he up to.

Val saw some stuff in my handphone don't know what she will say cause when she open my inbox she saw 1 whole list of messages from someone okay not sure what she will do, her reaction is nothing for what I saw. So I don't know and I don't care also.

My Mistake

2005-03-01T16:11:00.000+08:00

Now playing is Cannon In D my favourite tune. Listening to this song can make me think of lots of things if I can play this tune by myself on the piano I'll not keep on asking somebody to play it yesterday.

Have been thinking about what happen yesterday the whole of last night. Think it's a big mistake to know somebody and even to meet that person, I don't know. For me, I don't judge a person good or bad by look, but I don't know if the person will judge me by my look and figure. I admit that I'm neither pretty nor slim but that is me. "Like" me for what I am, not who I am that is what i can say. Because I meet you for what you are not who you are.

I also don't know what I'm saying think I'm a little out of my mind...

What I'm Thinking...

2005-02-27T17:01:00.000+08:00

"N" Level coming soon got the list of subject of what I'm doing and also the date of the paper. Chinese paper is first so was like I'm now left with less then 6months to prepare for it next will be Social Studies. Which means I'll have to start mugging from now.

I hate to sms people when they don't even bother to reply the sms, so for what the hell am I messaging the person when they don't even bother to reply it. And it's really stepping onto my nerves.

I don't really like Wei Hao cause it's like what's the big deal about me sitting with my buddy francis or enkai in class is there any problem you are not happy about it. I don't find a way for you to make such a big fuse about it, as I we know the relationship between me and him is just buddies like brothers and sisters.

Was reading about "Dear Kelly" column on a magazine, find it quite true about something. (Find out yourself if you are curious.) Then wrote Qi Mei a letter too hehe think communication in this way is fun don't have to face each other.

Some stuff I know I shall not ask or say much about things that is happening around me so I'll just keep quiet and not ask or say let the answer come out when it's time hehe=x.

I'm out of my mind

2005-02-19T15:04:00.000+08:00

I'm now in a dilemma who cares about it. But I didn't know that someone have been thinking about something that I didn't know. He admitted that the person with 6 letter in the name is me lolz. Not surprise at all =x because it's very obvious.

Anyway the person know who he is don't need me to say anymore things know it in your heart can already.

Many things happen in the past few days didn't talk much in school except talking to da jie, qi mei, xiao mei and asking teacher things other time I'll always keep my mouth shut.

What I've Been Doing...

2005-02-15T16:30:00.000+08:00

Have been thinking of a lot of things today don't know why. Thinking about what happen on Sunday. Try to make myself cry yesterday by listening to sad sad song, but it's useless I can't cry. Send to 2 person the chatlog one of them say see already wanna cry the other say you should not cry and say that the person have got no courage to admit his feeling and find a lame excuse which is wanna concentrate on studies that is why cannot be together.

For me I will admit things that is regarding my feelings especially bgr. Because I want to live without regret and I don't want to be bluffing myself and regret after knowing the person is taken. I was once like this and I've learn from my own mistake one self have to be true to their heart and not to hide their emotion to themselves till the day they regret about not doing it. I'll let go of him if he have found his special someone no matter who she is I'll wish them both all the best.

WHAT IS L-O-V-E???

2005-02-13T19:59:00.000+08:00

How the hell will I know. Anyway it's VALENTINE'S DAY tomorrow. I bought his present already so people stop asking me have i bought him his present, also don't ask me what i bought for him.

Love is actually between two person who wanna know each other more and that is why they are together. As they are together they spend more time together and they start to have this chemistry between then and also have feeling between then that is why they are together. But being together is not a one way trip it must have a two way which is giving and taking, if there is one way either giving or taking one day the trip will be gone cause there is no return or receive to the person who is give and the person who is taking, which cause the person who s giving to give up on the other person.

Why am I saying all this, I also don't know think it's beacuse what somebody say to me just now.(I'm not going to say who he is coause he know who he is)

LIFE

2005-02-08T19:06:00.000+08:00

Last night I watched DAYLIGHT. And i found that life is a very fragile thing, and it make me want to treasure people around me even more cause you may not know what will happen to them the next day or it may be the last time you see the person you quarrel with. So it's better to treasure the person around you as much as you can because you may not know when they will leave you.

Then to those people who have someone in your heart think you pals better let the person know about it because you may not know one day when it's about time you want to tell them that you love them but they are already taken so just let them don't how you feel about them.

As for myself, I also know paper cannot wrap fire. And the fact is that he know I like him but then he is the one who is acting blur about it and treat as if nothing happen. For me since you treat it as if nothing seem to happen and don't know about the whole issue I'll act in the same way till the day come somehow but I'll still treasure you...

Suprises

2005-02-04T21:58:00.000+08:00

Nowdayss I keep on have suprises in school cause people like to ask me where is someone. Even my buddy Francis also like to play fun of me, and Jing Zhe like to say me and someone. It irrites me sometimes but what do to. Anyway I like what Wei Ming say TODAY okie shall not say what he say. But it makes me feel so kind of happy after hearing how that person reacts upon the issue.

I'm a disappointment.

2005-01-28T23:41:00.000+08:00

On wednesday I don't know why I actually wanted to give up on myself and I really disappointed someone who really care for me. Maybe I'm not use to my new lifestyle which I have to workhard everyday and sleep late. Also won't have time to watch tv and come online.

Then on that night I didn't really sleep was actually thinking what makes me give up on myself and make people disappointed in me. Then I finally make up my mind that being in sec4 it's normal that I won't be able to watch the tv as and when I want or go online. So I'll promise not to give up and strike to workhard and finish all the thing I have to do.

My Birthday

2005-01-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to myself. =)Today is my birthday I'm very happy and also very touch by all the people around me like Sheng Long, Pearlyn, Fong Eng, Kasinah, Pei Jun, Magdeline, Ying Qi, Jun Jie, Siti(NP), Siti(4c1), E.T., Mr Ch'ng, Hoi Yan, Shirlyn, my cousin, Leon Soon, Kong Wee, Chun, Shu Hua(xiao mei) some seniors I don't know and of coz not forgetting Xing Long =).

The most touching thing is the birthday present and THE SMS haha. The birthday present is from Mini Toons haha I like the PIG haha so cute and huggable. As for the sms lolz the first sms I receive on my Birthday haha is a birthday song from xl lolz thank you very much. You guys really make my day to the fullest hehe.

My Studies

2005-01-18T17:49:00.000+08:00

I feel like giving up already at this rate of my studies don't need to do 'N' Level already. I'm not kidding, by the last 2 tests Physics and POA really not meeting my standard. Think have to be mentally prepare to go ITE already. No choice who ask me study already nothing get into my small brain. Sometimes really very fed up with myself why I cannot be like last year can score well in all subjects except for Social Studies and Geography. Seriously say if it still continue and be on this rate I'm really going to give up on my studies and do some other things. Think i shall get a tution teacher for my Physics and POA. Maybe sooner or later even Chemistry and Math also need. By then I'm really dead meat no time to do other stuff when I get so many tution. CAN ANYONE SAVE ME FROM THIS....